Feels good to write again

I have been hanging out on a popular kink site a lot lately, for various reasons, most of which are about finding other people to connect with that understand parts of me that are at times difficult to explain.  As many of you may have found, some of these sites seem to be nothing but a magnet for crazies and wanna-be’s.

But, ever the smart-ass that this little fairy is, I love responding.  I love getting the “how r u.  what do u like bout dis lifestlye?  ur cute.” messages, and then responding with four paragraphs containing an actual answer, instead of just “thank u.  *giggle*”  I enjoy the English language, and I enjoy being smart.  So, I get a little chuckle out of being a smart subby that can hold a conversation.

Anyway, I got a message from a gentleman (I use that term quite loosely here) asking me questions about what I like about D/s, and how it works for me, and how I found out about it.  I have paraphrased the questions he asked.  They were not nearly as nicely or properly worded.  🙂  So, I set off to give him an answer.  I expected to type a few lines of response to each of his questions, leave him baffled that I’m not a moron, and then move on with my night hanging out with Haunt and surfin’ the interwebs.

But my answer was a lot longer than anticipated.  I think that might be because I have been itching to post lately, but either can’t find the time or can’t find the words.  So, my response to him was detailed and quite therapeutic in a way.  I decided not to send it to him, because:

1. He doesn’t really care that much about my answer

2. I decided it was a better fit for here than there.

So, I have copied and pasted what I wrote.  But first, I should list the questions that he asked, so that perhaps my answer makes a little more sense.  Although, I am sure that it will be easy enough either way.  What follows is his response to me, after I answered a previous question of his and indicated quite clearly that I am taken…

“ahh…so your taken? what do u like to do? and things like that…u see your from (**CITY WHERE I LIVE**) im bout an hour or so from u ..how did u find out bout this lifestyle? ”

Now, on to my response…

Yes, I am taken.  🙂

I like many things about the D/s aspect of our relationship.  We live it every day, it’s not just a sex game for us.  I belong to Him, but I am not His slave.  It is quite hard to explain, because it isn’t really exactly like anything that anyone else in the “scene” would do.  He uses His dominance as a tool to love me the way I need to be loved, and I use my submission as a tool to be right for Him.

There are some aspects of our relationship that our similar to others that do this, like using His name when I address Him, the tone of my voice when I speak, how I am to word things, my duties and tasks around the house, and my place in our sexual relationship.  I am His equal, but opposite, partner.  He values me and loves me more than anyone ever has, and I am a precious and treasured pet.

I don’t remember finding out, I suppose at some point I saw or read something, but I was aware of it in the same since that most people are aware of, say, Buddhism, or any other religion that isn’t their own.  You know it is there and that people practice it, but you don’t.  Our relationship evolved naturally this way.  We were apart for many years before having a “real” relationship (we “dated” when we were kids), and this semblance of power exchange seemed present from the very beginning.

We found ourselves falling apart from my constant fight picking and attitude, and His inability to keep me calm and rational.  I found a blog that contained a slave girl’s letter to her master, and it all just seemed to click.  It was what we needed to make our relationship work.  So I timidly sent Him the blog post, and hoped for the best.

There was much conversation after that.  He asked specifics, and I tried my hardest to answer His questions about what I needed.  We talked and talked, and eventually decided that we needed this to keep us together.  So, holding on tight to each other, we jumped into it, and got ready for the journey.

It was a bumpy road for a while, and we made some mistakes.  There was a lot of self-realization and awakenings.  We are still working at it.  I don’t know that we will ever “finish” figuring out how to love this way.  But I suppose that is true for most relationships, no matter the dynamic.  Each day we learn and love a little more, and we get closer to our personal bliss.

My need to be His, and His need to possess me in such a way that can never stop is what drives us through this.  We were made this way.  We compliment each other beautifully, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

*********************

That is where I stopped answering him and realized that it was a better fit for my blog.  I have really been wanting to type less about how much Pam pisses me off, and focus more on how He and I are working really well right now.  And this is a good start.  I think I might ask Him for a rule about posting, so that way I HAVE to write!  🙂

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving…even though I’m an hour and two minutes late on that one!  I won’t be hitting the sales, as I would rather pay full price then camp out in front of Toys ‘R’ Us just to save $17.  🙂  Poor Panda will be out in the chaos, so lets take a moment of silence to mourn the loss of her sanity for the day……

🙂

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