There is overwhelmed, and then there is me lately.  Hence the lack of posts and shitty devotion to the diet and exercise.  It’s bubbling just under the surface in me, and I don’t know how to calm it down.  Most of the time I can breathe or focus it into a simmer, but it’s still there.  I know that everyone gets stressed.  I know 100 ways to relieve it.  And I know that it will always come back, and learning to manage it and keep it under control is the goal.  But it seems I just can’t sometimes.

I fly off the handle at the littlest things lately.  The tiniest things wreck my world and my sense of balance and well-being.  I feel so tightly wound up and on edge that it is hard to even move sometimes, for fear that just one more thing, no matter how small, might cause me to just start melting.  I have no idea how to even describe it.  Sometimes I can almost literally feel my insides shaking.

And what do I do?  There’s nothing TO do.  Just wait it out.  Just deal.  Take a bath.  Read a book.  Go for a walk.  Whatever.  All really awesome suggestions, I guess, but none of them really help.  They might for a minute, but the second the water is out of the tub, the story has ended, or my key opens the door, it’s like I’m living in a mine field, and I’m just waiting to step in the wrong spot.

I feel like even the pain won’t help anymore.  I know the showers don’t.  I feel slightly better while I’m standing in the hot water, but the second I step out and dry off, I run face-first into the brick wall that is all that I was trying to escape.  I don’t know if more Him-caused and focused pain would help or not.  I feel like maybe it would, but wouldn’t I just get used to that too?  I have no idea.  I don’t see Him enough to add a few extra spankings or hair pulling moments to my life, so that’s not really a theory I can test.

What is stressing me out?  I ask myself that all the time.  I try to get to the root of the issue, so that I can try to fix the actual problem, instead of just the symptoms.  But it’s never the same thing.  It’s the kids, it’s being broke, it’s my ex, it’s Mom and Dad, it’s other people’s problems, it’s being sad, it’s questioning things around me.  And I wonder if maybe all those things aren’t just another layer of symptoms themselves, and not the center issue or issues.

But how do I figure out what the issue is?  Could it be the simple one that I have suspected all along?  Could it be that easy?  Just talk about that, and the rest will start to ease up, eventually calming me down and loosening the grip that stress has on me?  Perhaps.  Do I keep typing until it starts to really unravel?  Or do I find a “professional” to talk to?  Someone who will smile and nod and tell me to relax.  I don’t know.  I know that acknowledging the stress is the first step though.

I am stressed out.  SO stressed out.  I need to really devote some time and energy to figuring out why.  Soon.  Or I’m gonna just lose it.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. lunargirl
    Jul 30, 2010 @ 17:05:21

    I feel your pain. I suffer from some of the same symptoms.

    I don’t know anything other than what you have posted here, but let me take a shot in the dark, okay? It won’t hurt, it could help.

    Is it possible that there is a problem that you are avoiding? I can tell you from experience that the small things fester up into much bigger things and that the process of that will make other small things seem larger than they are.

    As unpleasant as it may be, you need to confront the thing you are avoiding. Terrible medicine, I know, but it will fix the underlying problem and then you will be able to straighten out the rest.

    Of course, that is only if there is a problem that you have not addressed.

    It is great that you write. Sometimes it is easier to identify the problems when we write about what bothers us. I know it is for me!

    If you need to talk or just someone to listen, keep in touch!

    By the way, nice post. It reminds me of myself when I am avoiding something I don’t want to confront. It also helps me to see myself differently.

    Take care and good luck!


    • hismoonfairy
      Jul 31, 2010 @ 11:08:33

      I’ve got all kinds of those pesky underlying issues! 🙂 I realized last night that when I was keeping the food journal and the exercise journal, and I was making a real effort to keep up with them, that I felt so much better. I think one of the keys to the basis of my well-being is good nutrition and exercise. Sounds so basic right? And I guess it’s not that I didn’t know that…just that I hadn’t really admitted the connection between the two. So, I have orders to start the food journal again, hopefully that will help.


  2. B
    Jul 31, 2010 @ 19:32:14

    The cure to all anxiety is not pills, therapy, or even meditation, the remedy is anxiety’s opposite: action. Taking positive action is a 100% effective means to stop anxiety and stress in its tracks. If you’re anxious about health and weight-loss issues, anxiety completely disappears the moment you begin exercise or begin to eat right. It then starts again until the next time you exercise or eat right. The longer you procrastinate, the greater the anxiety. This is true with any anxiety.

    But until you take action, I would suggest what I have my Missy do: cum…hard…repeatedly. My girl can chase her own tail at times, but orgasm always calms her, steadies her, and focuses her.

    You will always have anxiety with weight loss and health because you value good health..(i.e. I have no anxiety about my golf game sucking, because I don’t play or care about golf) You have anxiety because you are not doing anything about something you care about. I’m not saying its easy to take action in all things, yet most often it is far easier than dealing with the stress and anxiety brought on by procrastination.

    Until then…cum.

    Good luck,



    • hismoonfairy
      Aug 01, 2010 @ 09:35:22

      Okay, first of all…let me just say that when I saw your comment, I squealed, jumped up and ran to get my phone to call a friend to let her know that B had commented on my post (she didn’t answer, so I get to stay excited about it for a while!)! I am a huge fan of you and Missy, so it is just insane to get a comment from you! 🙂

      Second…you’re right. I started a post about this yesterday, but the day took over and I never got a chance to finish it. He and I have discussed this a good bit over the past few days, and He is going to help me focus more on getting healthy. I am a different person when I eat right and exercise…and if I lose weight in the process, then that will be great. Motivation is my issue, really. And He is helping with that. I know if I can get a steady pace going, that I can take over for myself.

      Thank you for the sound advice, and thank you even more for making my day! 🙂 (I sound like a silly little fangirl, don’t I? :D)


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