Part of me wants to delete my last post.  Because I am okay now.  And I feel like deleting it would make me feel better.  But I don’t think I will.  I think I will just post what made me feel better.  It is not the complete conversation, but I have copied and pasted the parts that calmed me down.

I will premise it with saying that I freaked out on Him.  I went into a mode that He doesn’t care for, and I got doubtful.  I made Him feel like He was telling me that He doesn’t love  me and want me.  And I did it all because I needed His reassurance.  I have since learned that I can just ask for the reassurance, and I don’t need to throw a fit to get it.

“That is your command now. No more fighting. No more pushing. I am your lover and your man. I am yours, but you belong to me. You will treat me as your lover and your possessor. You will not push me. You will ask like a good girl for the words that you need, and they will be given to you. Because it is my job and my desire to take care of you. Do you understand?”

“I want you to have your own opinions and thoughts and feelings and desires. I want you to be a strong, independent woman. But you belong to me now. You will do anything and everything I demand of you, and you will not fight. You will not try to make me feel bad, or argue with me. You will do what I say, and you will like it. Because only then will you be a good girl, and be rewarded as good girls should be.”

I am still sad.  I am still having a downer of a day.  But He made sure I know that He loves me and He needs me and He wants me.  And that’s what I’ve needed all this time.  Him.  I need His words to fill me up and make me strong.  I need to find a way to address what may be medically wrong with me.  But while I work on that, I have the best medicine of all.  I am His.  ❤


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