Anticipation

He will be here tonight, and He’s spending the weekend with me!  I get so giddy with anticipation when I am about to see Him.  The butterflies start fluttering around in my tummy, and their wings beat faster and faster the closer I get to seeing Him.  This happens every time, and I absolutely love it.  One of my favorite feelings in the world is anticipation.  The anxious, nervous, almost-sick feeling that I get in the pit of my stomach when I’m excited about something.  I love waiting for something.  I love knowing that I can’t have it just yet, and that I have to let the tension build and make it worth it.

I suppose it’s kind of like an orgasm for me.  The happy just bursts inside me when the tension is relieved and I’m given what I was waiting for.  I don’t always show it on the outside, but my insides are pulsing and dancing.  When I wait for that exact moment when I can touch Him, the closer and closer it gets, the harder it is for me to sit still, to breathe, to concentrate.  My mind races and my heart beats faster and faster, and my tummy does flips.

And the best part is that once that initial relief comes from the first touch, it instantly builds back up and stays peaked and delightful for the rest of the time I’m with Him.  Every time He touches me, it’s like a tiny electrical shock is sent down my spine.  I get relaxed and comfortable around Him, but my heart stays knotted and anticipatory the entire time.  Every kiss, every hug, every word that He says, sends a wave of yummy through me.  It is the best feeling ever.  It’s like being deliciously scared all the time.  And oh how I loved being scared, too!  🙂  (In that “what’s around the corner and is it gonna get me” kinda way…)

Until it gets close to time to part.  Then I crash.  And I crash fast.  I get quiet and withdrawn and sometimes a little mean.  I don’t do it on purpose, I just know what’s coming.  I know that soon He will be gone, and so will all the yummy feelings He causes by being physically there.  I’ve been told that this sounds a lot like something called “subdrop.”  I have been reading a lot about it lately, and I’m learning it can come in many forms.  I don’t want to take away from the happy that is this post, so I’ll leave that alone and talk about it some other time.

For now, I’m going to sit here, with my “I’ve just had 37 cups of coffee” feeling that I’ve got inside me right now, and click over to the other little IM window and tell Him that I love Him and remind Him that I’ll get to kiss Him in just twelve more hours!

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